In an already meteoric rise to the top of the pop world’s esteem, up-and-coming ethereal folk-punk act Ceramic Sea Turtles have cancelled their upcoming Shanghai tour stop.

“It really is an honour to be invited to a show in Shanghai, so that we could go on to cancel it,” commented bassist Heart Pettigrew. “Not many acts have the privilege of having been set to play here, for loads of thrilled fans, only to backtrack and decide not to follow through."

He began to list off a number of the acts in whose hallowed company Ceramic Sea Turtles now find themselves, getting most of them correct. Maroon Five, Aerosmith, Lenny Kravitz, Robbie Williams, James Blake, and Katy Perry were all mentioned. “Katy Perry, you know, say what you want about her music, but she’s well fit,” the bassist added thoughtfully.

Even superstar Victoria Beckham took note. “If they’ve already cancelled Shanghai, there’s really no telling how far these kids can go. I can’t even tell you how hot they are right now. I wish the Spice Girls had the chance to cancal Shanghai"

Lead singer Andrew O’Marcus-Stein had more to add. “I’m sure we’ll reschedule in a few years, when we’re, like, really a big deal, and we can back out when we're even closer to the big date,” “How we did it, I’ll admit, it's somewhat underwhelming... it’s always better to cancel the week before, or even the day of, to really crush peoples hopes properly, give 'em something to remember, you know."

“When we don’t cancel, that’s when you know things are really going downhill!” he added, to the concurring laughter of his band-mates.

WORDS: Alex Przybyla